Beddome on Friendship Part 1

Enumerating God's kindnesses in one of his hymns, the long serving minister at Bourton on the Water, Gloucestershire, Benjamin Beddome (1717-1795) includes not only "constant supplies of outward good, your nightly sleep and daily food", but also

your health and strength and faithful friends,

And happiness that never ends.

In another hymn he acknowledges that his dearest friends he owes to God's goodness.

One hymn (737) is all about friendship in the context of worship

How sweet the interview with friends

Whose hopes and aims are one

All earthly pleasures it transcends

And swift the moments run

Of sympathy and love possessed

Our sorrows we impart

And when with pure enjoyments blessed

They go from heart to heart.

Pursuing still our way to bliss

A weak and feeble band

We trust in Christ our righteousness

Who will our strength command 

Though for a season we must part

As urgent duties call

Still we remain but one in heart

And Jesus is our all

Oh may his glorious cause encrease

And we his wonders tell

Now bid us Lord depart in peace

And now dear friends farewell.

Growing up, Beddome would have been keenly aware of the intense friendship between his father John Beddome (1675-1757) and his life-long bachelor friend Bernard Foskett (1685-1758) who Beddome junior followed both into medicine and the ministry. Beddome senior and Foskett first met in London. They then ministered together in the Midlands before coming together again in Bristol, where, in due time, the two died within a year of each other and were buried alongside each other. Foskett was considered to be a part of the Beddome family and was often with them when they gathered. Benjamin named one of his sons Foskett. Sadly, this son drowned, dying prematurely as a young man. Beddome was asked to speak at Foskett's funeral but felt unable to do it. He was one of the coffin bearers.

The friendship between the older men no doubt informed Beddome when on at least one occasion he preached on the subject of friendship.

Before coming to that sermon we quote a paragraph from another sermon, this one on Zechariah 8:23 in Volume 5 of the short discourses. He says that one of the things we can learn from his text is

That seclusion from all society is neither the Christian's duty, nor his privilege. It was God himself who said, It is not good for man to be alone. Satan imagined that lie had the greatest advantage against our Lord, and that he was most likely to prevail over him, when he found him in a solitary wilderness, unsupported by the presence of a friend. To guard against a similar danger, Jesus afterwards sent out his disciples two and two; not only that out of the mouth of two witnesses every word might be established, but that they might be helpers of each other's joy in the Lord. 

The text of the sermon on friendship is Sermon 59 in a collection of 67 posthumously published sermons. It is on Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly and has been given the title The reciprocal duties of friends.

Beddome begins it by saying

The advantages of real friendship are great and the duties resulting from it many. We have a comprehensive view of them in my text. We should exercise a common civility towards all men neither despising the poor on account of the meanness of their condition nor hating our greatest enemies for the injuries we have received from them but a man that hath friends must show himself friendly. Here we have a privilege spoken of and a duty prescribed.

The privilege of friendship

The sermon is in two parts. Beddome says firstly that a privilege is spoken of. What a privilege to have a friend, says Beddome,

To say that a man is friendless is to denote a complete state of misery. Lover and friend says David hast thou put far from me. This aggravated his troubles and added weight to all his other distresses. On the contrary next to the comforts of religion are those of friendship and society especially when those whom we look upon as our friends are …

And then he lists four qualities in a good friendship. It is

Real and disinterested

Sincerely what they profess to be not acting from selfish motives but making our interest their own. Most men seek their own and do not, as the apostle expresses it in another case, naturally care for the state of others. Here and there perhaps we may find one who will sympathize with us in all our griefs and joys and by all proper means promote our happiness and welfare. Happy is the man that hath such a friend.

Wise and prudent

Able and willing to give us advice when we are at a loss how to act and that without upbraiding our ignorance or despising us for our weakness. It is a happiness to have such friends who are discreet and experienced and at the same time open and communicative. If our friend be weak and silly his folly may plunge us into great inconveniences and let him be ever so sagacious, if he be sullen and reserved his wisdom will do us little service. David was happy in the friendship of Hushai who by his good sense and deep penetration defeated the pernicious councils of Ahithophel and extricated his royal master from a state of the greatest perplexity.

Marked by pious virtue

Pious virtue is the only solid foundation for friendship for he that is not a good man cannot be a good friend. Prayer for friends is one of the most important duties of friendship but he is not likely to pray for us who does not pray for himself. The concerns of the soul are of the most interesting nature but it is not probable that he will be mindful of the spiritual concerns of others who is regardless of his own. Those are the most valuable and desirable friends who are at the same time like Abraham the friends of God. Not the gay sensual and profane but the serious and thoughtful, circumspect and holy whose conversation will be instructive and their example improving whose hearts glow with love to God and whose conduct and behaviour exhibit all the beauties of the religious life. By their means we may be fortified against temptations kept from many an hurtful snare be convinced of sin when we have committed it and rendered more steadfast in the ways of God. As iron sharpeneth iron says Solomon so doth the countenance of a man his friend. We insensibly contract a likeness to those whom we choose for our companions: if they are modest and humble, we grow like them; if they are bold and impudent, we become so too. Give me leave to add, under this head, if a courteous and obliging temper, a natural sweetness of disposition, be added to strict virtue and real piety, it makes the ties of friendship more sweet and more durable. This seems to have been the case with respect to David and Jonathan. That man can never be a friend to others who is a foe to himself.

Faithful and persevering

The fourth and final thing he includes under his first heading, and here he must inevitably have thought of Foskett and his father, is this

Lastly. Faithful and persevering, who will smile when the world frowns, stand by us when others forsake us and adhere to us in the face of the greatest opposition. Thus all Saul's threats and reproaches could not make Jonathan renounce the covenant of friendship he had made with David, whom he loved as his own soul. Such friendships are very rare. My brethren, says Job, have dealt deceitfully as a brook, and as the stream of brooks they pass away. A failing brook is a fit emblem of a false heart. A friend that loveth at all times, who does not change when our circumstances change, but is the same whether we are in a state of affluence or want, in honour or disgrace, is one of the choicest gifts of God.

He quotes Edward Young, one of his favourite authors, from Night Thoughts

Friendship's the wine of life:

A friend is worth all the hazards we can run.

Poor is the friendless master of a world:

A world in purchase for a friend is gain.

Beddome concludes this part of his sermon

This should lead us to think of the Lord Jesus Christ, in whom all these characters meet. He is the greatest, best, and most affectionate, the most disinterested and faithful of all friends, a friend to them that have no other friend; a friend to those who have been his most bitter enemies, and who lives when other friends die; to whom we may justly apply the words following my text: There is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother. O may each of us be able to say, This is my beloved, and this is my friend!