The duty of friendship
When one thinks of friendships among Baptist ministers in the eighteenth century one instinctively thinks of Fuller, Sutcliffe and Ryland, who held the ropes for Carey. Beddome does not seem to have had a ministerial friendship of that sort although in The Baptist Register Rippon refers to the younger man, who preached Beddome's funeral sermon, Benjamin Francis (1734-1799) as his "affectionate friend".
Beddome had several good friends in the congregation at Bourton including his father-in-law Richard Boswell (d 1783), William Snooke (1730-1799) and later, Snooke's brother-in-law, Richard Hall (1728-1801). Their father-in-law Benjamin Seward (1705-1753) of Bengeworth was likely another friend of Beddome's. Beddome, sometimes accompanied by his wife, would often take tea at her father's or at Snooke's or at one or other of the wealthier church members' homes.
When a student he came to know Sarah Evans. His friendship with Hugh Evans (1712-1781) and especially Sarah Evans nee Browne (1713-1751) goes back to Bristol days. It is referred to by her son Caleb in a funeral address he gave for his stepmother Ann. Beddome took Sarah's funeral and wrote an epitaph for her grave.
Henry Keene (1727-1797) was probably another friend. Keene was a coal merchant and a well respected deacon in the Mazae Pond church in London. A warm letter written in November 1772 from Beddome to Keene is preserved in the NLW, Aberystwyth, part of the Isaac Mann collection.
John Ryland's father. John Collett Ryland (1723-1792), was born in Bourton on the Water and spent his formative years in that area. Only six years younger than Beddome, the two became friends when in 1740 Ryland Senior was one of about 40 converts in a revival that marked the early period of Beddome's ministry. Beddome baptised Ryland in October, 1741 and when the latter began to show an interest in also being a minister, a strong friendship blossomed between the two. As mentor, Beddome "led him forward to the work of the ministry with the fostering hand of a wife and kind parent" (according to a funeral sermon for Ryland by John Rippon, Gentle Dismission, 37-38). As to their friendship, Beddome called Ryland Sr. his "dearest friend:" and the two kept in contact well after Ryland Sr. left Bourton and moved to Bristol and became a minister in Warwick and then Northampton (Newman, Rylandiana, 137-39. See also Lon Graham, All Who Love Our Blessed Redeemer The Catholicity of John Ryland Jr.).
Beddome was no doubt friend also to several others in the congregation who went on to become ministers themselves, notably men like John Reynolds (1730-1792) Nathanael Rawlings (1733-1809) and Richard Haines (d 1767).
In the second part of the sermon Beddome speaks about the duty of friendship highlighted in the verse he preaches He that hath friends should show himself friendly.
“Act agreeably to the connexions formed,” says Beddome, “and the confidence reposed in him.” He goes on
Though the forming of friendships is a matter not of necessity but of choice, yet, when they are formed, it is highly incumbent upon us that we should so regulate our temper and conduct as may best tend to their continuance and improvement.
He says four things about this
We should take care that our inward sentiments and feelings perfectly agree with our outward professions
Undissembled integrity becomes the man, and adorns the Christian. Extravagant professions of regard, and large promises of help and assistance, are to be avoided, as also lavish praises and commendations; for these, however gratifying they may be to a weak man, will rather be disgusting to a wise one. We should never speak more than our hearts feel, or enter into engagements which we may possibly want both an ability and inclination to perform. This is the character that David gives of men in a very degenerate age: They speak vanity every one to his neighbour, with flattering lips, and with a double heart do they speak
We should not be shy in using our friends, or backward in receiving kindnesses from them
He quotes Young again “Reserve will wound it, and distrust destroy.” He goes on
It is as much an act of friendship without hesitation to accept a favour, as readily to confer one; and the not doing so at proper and convenient seasons has begotten a jealousy and suspicion that we would not lay an obligation upon another because we are so loth to come under one ourselves but a real friend should be willing to do both. He should give and receive advice, admit frequent visits and repay them, inquire into the grievances of another and tell his own, partake of the bounty of his friend, and let require. Mutual sympathy, and a readiness to communicate to each other's wants, is necessary among friends: Have pity upon me, O my friends! says Job. Friendship is a profession of love, and love should not only be professed, but acted upon.
We should prefer the interests and welfare of their souls to that of their bodies
Thus did Christ, the friend of publicans and sinners, when he was upon earth, and thus should all his followers do; and surely those will be most indebted to us for our friendship, whose everlasting felicity is promoted by it.
He then says, firstly,
We should pray for our friends; thus did Job for his, though by their uncharitable invectives they had greatly added to the weight of his afflictions, and his prayers returned into his own bosom. Yet he obtained a blessing both for himself and them. If we can do nothing else for our friends, we can pray for them; and whatever else we have done, or can do, this should not be neglected.
And secondly
We should faithfully reprove them when they do amiss. Not to do this is represented as an evidence of hatred: Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart; thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him and therefore to do it is an instance of the greatest love, and a wise and good man will esteem it so. Let the righteous smite me, says David, and it shall be an excellent oil but then we must do it in a friendly manner, secretly, and not so as to expose him; with meekness and tenderness, and not so as to irritate and provoke him; and at the most convenient season, when he is most likely to bear it, and be benefited by it.
We should carefully avoid all those things which may either break the bonds of friendship, or weaken them
We should not, by divulging his secrets, abuse the confidence that our friend has placed in us. We should guard against envy if providence has exalted him above us; and of coldness and neglect if he is sunk into a state of inferiority to us. We should also shun the company of those who are given to calumny and detraction, for Solomon tells us that a whisperer separateth chief friends and, lastly, if by any notorious miscarriage, or unmerited provocations, they have forfeited our friendship, we should remember that we still owe them common charity, if prudence prohibits our former familiarity with them. Religion should restrain us from turning our love into hatred.
Conclusion
The sermon concludes with two reflections. First,
What need of grace have we to enable us to act up to this, or any other character that we sustain! The duties of friendship, you see, are not few or easy; we should therefore implore the assistance of divine grace, that we may rightly perform them. Nor should we, as has been wisely said, make choice of many intimate and bosom friends; for a multiplication of friends will involve a multiplication of duties, and, consequently, of difficulties.
Second,
Let those who are so happy as to have Christ for their friend be particularly observant of this rule with respect to him. O let us cultivate a more intimate acquaintance with him, set a proper value upon his friendship, give him the uppermost place in our hearts, make him the frequent subject of our conversation, avoid every thing that is offensive to him, frequent those places where we may meet with him, and long to be for ever with him!
We should be thankful for our friends, if we have them. The duties of friendship are clearly not few or easy and we need divine grace to rightly perform them. Let us be good friends then and especially to the Lord Jesus Christ that Friend who sticks closer than a brother.
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