Beddome on Friendship Part 2

The duty of friendship

When one thinks of friendships among Baptist ministers in the eighteenth century one instinctively thinks of Fuller, Sutcliffe and Ryland, who held the ropes for Carey. Beddome does not seem to have had a ministerial friendship of that sort although in The Baptist Register Rippon refers to the younger man, who preached Beddome's funeral sermon, Benjamin Francis (1734-1799) as his "affectionate friend".

Beddome had several good friends in the congregation at Bourton including his father-in-law Richard Boswell (d 1783), William Snooke (1730-1799) and later, Snooke's brother-in-law, Richard Hall (1728-1801). Their father-in-law Benjamin Seward (1705-1753) of Bengeworth was likely another friend of Beddome's. Beddome, sometimes accompanied by his wife, would often take tea at her father's or at Snooke's or at one or other of the wealthier church members' homes.

When a student he came to know Sarah Evans. His friendship with Hugh Evans (1712-1781) and especially Sarah Evans nee Browne (1713-1751) goes back to Bristol days. It is referred to by her son Caleb in a funeral address he gave for his stepmother Ann. Beddome took Sarah's funeral and wrote an epitaph for her grave.

Henry Keene (1727-1797) was probably another friend. Keene was a coal merchant and a well respected deacon in the Mazae Pond church in London. A warm letter written in November 1772 from Beddome to Keene is preserved in the NLW, Aberystwyth, part of the Isaac Mann collection.

John Ryland's father. John Collett Ryland (1723-1792), was born in Bourton on the Water and spent his formative years in that area. Only six years younger than Beddome, the two became friends when in 1740 Ryland Senior was one of about 40 converts in a revival that marked the early period of Beddome's ministry. Beddome baptised Ryland in October, 1741 and when the latter began to show an interest in also being a minister, a strong friendship blossomed between the two. As mentor, Beddome "led him forward to the work of the ministry with the fostering hand of a wife and kind parent" (according to a funeral sermon for Ryland by John Rippon, Gentle Dismission, 37-38). As to their friendship, Beddome called Ryland Sr. his "dearest friend:" and the two kept in contact well after Ryland Sr. left Bourton and moved to Bristol and became a minister in Warwick and then Northampton (Newman, Rylandiana, 137-39. See also Lon Graham, All Who Love Our Blessed Redeemer The Catholicity of John Ryland Jr.).

Beddome was no doubt friend also to several others in the congregation who went on to become ministers themselves, notably men like John Reynolds (1730-1792) Nathanael Rawlings (1733-1809) and Richard Haines (d 1767).

In the second part of the sermon Beddome speaks about the duty of friendship highlighted in the verse he preaches He that hath friends should show himself friendly.

“Act agreeably to the connexions formed,” says Beddome, “and the confidence reposed in him.” He goes on

Though the forming of friendships is a matter not of necessity but of choice, yet, when they are formed, it is highly incumbent upon us that we should so regulate our temper and conduct as may best tend to their continuance and improvement.

He says four things about this

We should take care that our inward sentiments and feelings perfectly agree with our outward professions

Undissembled integrity becomes the man, and adorns the Christian. Extravagant professions of regard, and large promises of help and assistance, are to be avoided, as also lavish praises and commendations; for these, however gratifying they may be to a weak man, will rather be disgusting to a wise one. We should never speak more than our hearts feel, or enter into engagements which we may possibly want both an ability and inclination to perform. This is the character that David gives of men in a very degenerate age: They speak vanity every one to his neighbour, with flattering lips, and with a double heart do they speak

We should not be shy in using our friends, or backward in receiving kindnesses from them

He quotes Young again “Reserve will wound it, and distrust destroy.” He goes on

It is as much an act of friendship without hesitation to accept a favour, as readily to confer one; and the not doing so at proper and convenient seasons has begotten a jealousy and suspicion that we would not lay an obligation upon another because we are so loth to come under one ourselves but a real friend should be willing to do both. He should give and receive advice, admit frequent visits and repay them, inquire into the grievances of another and tell his own, partake of the bounty of his friend, and let require. Mutual sympathy, and a readiness to communicate to each other's wants, is necessary among friends: Have pity upon me, O my friends! says Job. Friendship is a profession of love, and love should not only be professed, but acted upon.

We should prefer the interests and welfare of their souls to that of their bodies

Thus did Christ, the friend of publicans and sinners, when he was upon earth, and thus should all his followers do; and surely those will be most indebted to us for our friendship, whose everlasting felicity is promoted by it.

He then says, firstly,

We should pray for our friends; thus did Job for his, though by their uncharitable invectives they had greatly added to the weight of his afflictions, and his prayers returned into his own bosom. Yet he obtained a blessing both for himself and them. If we can do nothing else for our friends, we can pray for them; and whatever else we have done, or can do, this should not be neglected.

And secondly

We should faithfully reprove them when they do amiss. Not to do this is represented as an evidence of hatred: Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart; thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him and therefore to do it is an instance of the greatest love, and a wise and good man will esteem it so. Let the righteous smite me, says David, and it shall be an excellent oil but then we must do it in a friendly manner, secretly, and not so as to expose him; with meekness and tenderness, and not so as to irritate and provoke him; and at the most convenient season, when he is most likely to bear it, and be benefited by it.

We should carefully avoid all those things which may either break the bonds of friendship, or weaken them

We should not, by divulging his secrets, abuse the confidence that our friend has placed in us. We should guard against envy if providence has exalted him above us; and of coldness and neglect if he is sunk into a state of inferiority to us. We should also shun the company of those who are given to calumny and detraction, for Solomon tells us that a whisperer separateth chief friends and, lastly, if by any notorious miscarriage, or unmerited provocations, they have forfeited our friendship, we should remember that we still owe them common charity, if prudence prohibits our former familiarity with them. Religion should restrain us from turning our love into hatred.

Conclusion

The sermon concludes with two reflections. First,

What need of grace have we to enable us to act up to this, or any other character that we sustain! The duties of friendship, you see, are not few or easy; we should therefore implore the assistance of divine grace, that we may rightly perform them. Nor should we, as has been wisely said, make choice of many intimate and bosom friends; for a multiplication of friends will involve a multiplication of duties, and, consequently, of difficulties.

Second,

Let those who are so happy as to have Christ for their friend be particularly observant of this rule with respect to him. O let us cultivate a more intimate acquaintance with him, set a proper value upon his friendship, give him the uppermost place in our hearts, make him the frequent subject of our conversation, avoid every thing that is offensive to him, frequent those places where we may meet with him, and long to be for ever with him!

We should be thankful for our friends, if we have them. The duties of friendship are clearly not few or easy and we need divine grace to rightly perform them. Let us be good friends then and especially to the Lord Jesus Christ that Friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Beddome on Friendship Part 1

Enumerating God's kindnesses in one of his hymns, the long serving minister at Bourton on the Water, Gloucestershire, Benjamin Beddome (1717-1795) includes not only "constant supplies of outward good, your nightly sleep and daily food", but also

your health and strength and faithful friends,

And happiness that never ends.

In another hymn he acknowledges that his dearest friends he owes to God's goodness.

One hymn (737) is all about friendship in the context of worship

How sweet the interview with friends

Whose hopes and aims are one

All earthly pleasures it transcends

And swift the moments run

Of sympathy and love possessed

Our sorrows we impart

And when with pure enjoyments blessed

They go from heart to heart.

Pursuing still our way to bliss

A weak and feeble band

We trust in Christ our righteousness

Who will our strength command 

Though for a season we must part

As urgent duties call

Still we remain but one in heart

And Jesus is our all

Oh may his glorious cause encrease

And we his wonders tell

Now bid us Lord depart in peace

And now dear friends farewell.

Growing up, Beddome would have been keenly aware of the intense friendship between his father John Beddome (1675-1757) and his life-long bachelor friend Bernard Foskett (1685-1758) who Beddome junior followed both into medicine and the ministry. Beddome senior and Foskett first met in London. They then ministered together in the Midlands before coming together again in Bristol, where, in due time, the two died within a year of each other and were buried alongside each other. Foskett was considered to be a part of the Beddome family and was often with them when they gathered. Benjamin named one of his sons Foskett. Sadly, this son drowned, dying prematurely as a young man. Beddome was asked to speak at Foskett's funeral but felt unable to do it. He was one of the coffin bearers.

The friendship between the older men no doubt informed Beddome when on at least one occasion he preached on the subject of friendship.

Before coming to that sermon we quote a paragraph from another sermon, this one on Zechariah 8:23 in Volume 5 of the short discourses. He says that one of the things we can learn from his text is

That seclusion from all society is neither the Christian's duty, nor his privilege. It was God himself who said, It is not good for man to be alone. Satan imagined that lie had the greatest advantage against our Lord, and that he was most likely to prevail over him, when he found him in a solitary wilderness, unsupported by the presence of a friend. To guard against a similar danger, Jesus afterwards sent out his disciples two and two; not only that out of the mouth of two witnesses every word might be established, but that they might be helpers of each other's joy in the Lord. 

The text of the sermon on friendship is Sermon 59 in a collection of 67 posthumously published sermons. It is on Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly and has been given the title The reciprocal duties of friends.

Beddome begins it by saying

The advantages of real friendship are great and the duties resulting from it many. We have a comprehensive view of them in my text. We should exercise a common civility towards all men neither despising the poor on account of the meanness of their condition nor hating our greatest enemies for the injuries we have received from them but a man that hath friends must show himself friendly. Here we have a privilege spoken of and a duty prescribed.

The privilege of friendship

The sermon is in two parts. Beddome says firstly that a privilege is spoken of. What a privilege to have a friend, says Beddome,

To say that a man is friendless is to denote a complete state of misery. Lover and friend says David hast thou put far from me. This aggravated his troubles and added weight to all his other distresses. On the contrary next to the comforts of religion are those of friendship and society especially when those whom we look upon as our friends are …

And then he lists four qualities in a good friendship. It is

Real and disinterested

Sincerely what they profess to be not acting from selfish motives but making our interest their own. Most men seek their own and do not, as the apostle expresses it in another case, naturally care for the state of others. Here and there perhaps we may find one who will sympathize with us in all our griefs and joys and by all proper means promote our happiness and welfare. Happy is the man that hath such a friend.

Wise and prudent

Able and willing to give us advice when we are at a loss how to act and that without upbraiding our ignorance or despising us for our weakness. It is a happiness to have such friends who are discreet and experienced and at the same time open and communicative. If our friend be weak and silly his folly may plunge us into great inconveniences and let him be ever so sagacious, if he be sullen and reserved his wisdom will do us little service. David was happy in the friendship of Hushai who by his good sense and deep penetration defeated the pernicious councils of Ahithophel and extricated his royal master from a state of the greatest perplexity.

Marked by pious virtue

Pious virtue is the only solid foundation for friendship for he that is not a good man cannot be a good friend. Prayer for friends is one of the most important duties of friendship but he is not likely to pray for us who does not pray for himself. The concerns of the soul are of the most interesting nature but it is not probable that he will be mindful of the spiritual concerns of others who is regardless of his own. Those are the most valuable and desirable friends who are at the same time like Abraham the friends of God. Not the gay sensual and profane but the serious and thoughtful, circumspect and holy whose conversation will be instructive and their example improving whose hearts glow with love to God and whose conduct and behaviour exhibit all the beauties of the religious life. By their means we may be fortified against temptations kept from many an hurtful snare be convinced of sin when we have committed it and rendered more steadfast in the ways of God. As iron sharpeneth iron says Solomon so doth the countenance of a man his friend. We insensibly contract a likeness to those whom we choose for our companions: if they are modest and humble, we grow like them; if they are bold and impudent, we become so too. Give me leave to add, under this head, if a courteous and obliging temper, a natural sweetness of disposition, be added to strict virtue and real piety, it makes the ties of friendship more sweet and more durable. This seems to have been the case with respect to David and Jonathan. That man can never be a friend to others who is a foe to himself.

Faithful and persevering

The fourth and final thing he includes under his first heading, and here he must inevitably have thought of Foskett and his father, is this

Lastly. Faithful and persevering, who will smile when the world frowns, stand by us when others forsake us and adhere to us in the face of the greatest opposition. Thus all Saul's threats and reproaches could not make Jonathan renounce the covenant of friendship he had made with David, whom he loved as his own soul. Such friendships are very rare. My brethren, says Job, have dealt deceitfully as a brook, and as the stream of brooks they pass away. A failing brook is a fit emblem of a false heart. A friend that loveth at all times, who does not change when our circumstances change, but is the same whether we are in a state of affluence or want, in honour or disgrace, is one of the choicest gifts of God.

He quotes Edward Young, one of his favourite authors, from Night Thoughts

Friendship's the wine of life:

A friend is worth all the hazards we can run.

Poor is the friendless master of a world:

A world in purchase for a friend is gain.

Beddome concludes this part of his sermon

This should lead us to think of the Lord Jesus Christ, in whom all these characters meet. He is the greatest, best, and most affectionate, the most disinterested and faithful of all friends, a friend to them that have no other friend; a friend to those who have been his most bitter enemies, and who lives when other friends die; to whom we may justly apply the words following my text: There is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother. O may each of us be able to say, This is my beloved, and this is my friend!